Protocol of A Learned Elder of Aztlan (Anahuac)
Mi querida gente: The jig is up.
Pundits of monstrous intellect, such as Glenn Beck, have somehow figured out our secret plan to take over the country that they rightfully possess and govern. You know the secret plan? THE PLAN? Come on. No se hagan.
We can finally stop pretending that our ‘buelitas didn’t read us El Plan De San Diego, the plan to create a separate country, every night before we went to sleep. Finally, in front of our white friends and family, we can admit that all of our mothers ended each mealtime prayer with, “In Aztlan We Trust.” All of those learned intellects on the right have figured it out anyway and have published the information in their scholastic journals (like AmericanPatrol.com) for everyone to read.
Even such genteel and warm hosts like CNN’s Lou Dobbs, have figured out the part of the conspiracy in which we infect 7,000 Mexicans with leprosy, and cross them illegally over the completely legitimate border within a three year period period in order to infect real Americans. He even figured out the part of the plan in which we use our contacts in the US Department of Health and Human Services, 60 minutes, MALDEF and the New York Times to debunk his claim and to pretend that the 7,000 leprosy cases happened over thirty years (not three) and that the government’s report had nothing to do with any connection between the undocumented and leprosy. Whew. Glad we can finally stop pretending that we didn’t create that conspiracy.
Smart businessmen like Larry Whitten of Whitten Inns have correctly deduced that we speak Spanish in order to speak ill of them and their ilk and to go undetected in so doing. His business decision to ban Spanish and to make all employees change their name to an Anglo name has created a national backlash, to which Whitten replied in his impeccable, pure English grammar: “What kind of fool or idiot or poor businessman would I be to orchestrate this whole crazy thing that’s costed me a lot of time, money and aggravation?”
The Fruit of American Exceptionalism like Larry Whitten, have figured out that we have intentionally educated our children in the Spanish language for the one purpose of speaking ill of gringos without them being the wiser! How they finally figured out that it has nothing to do with 500 years of unopposed cultural colonialism, I don’t know. We, Aztlanistas, have always publicly claimed that our use of Spanish is a holdover from the worst Holocaust in world history. Somehow, perhaps by infiltrating the ranks of our conspiracy, Whitten figured out that our entire communication system actually revolves around bad-mouthing the gringo.
They are probably on to the greatest of our achievements: the manufacturing of “High”spanics. It is only a matter of weeks before those on the right divine that we have invented robots to infiltrate the high and influential positions in society so that they can report back to us on the activities of real Americans. A few weeks ago, from our undisclosed location at Aztlan Central Command, we commanded the robot Rick Sanchez of CNN to agree with Larry Whittenso that he may garner more favor with the right. Another case?
During his years as a member of the separatist student group MEChA, current Mayor of LA AntonioVillariagosa died, and our conspiracy turned him into a pro-American cyborg for the same purpose. Our conspiracy also manufactured the supposed ten percent of the Minute Men who are Hispanic.
These Highspanicbots report to us on a weekly basis, and considering all of the intelligence tha the right wing has on us, it is only weeks before they figure out this crown jewel of our plan.
It is refreshing that, as someone who has for years promoted the ideas of Revolutionary Nationalism, I can now reveal breadth of my true power and unmask the thousands of sleeper supporters that we, as a conspiracy, claim.